They say the power to tax is the power to destroy. But I say the power to tax is the power to entertain. Wildly. What else could explain this collection of strange state tax credits and deductions?
7. New Mexico. Are you 100 years old or older? You betcha you don’t have to pay state income taxes. But WARNING: not if you’re living in your kid’s in-law apartment (if you’re lucky) or basement (if you’re not). This credit only applies if you are 100+ and living on your own. So you New Mexican Centenarians who are dependents of others are obviously freeloaders and aren’t entitled to sh!t. There, I said it.
6. South Carolinans: Did you get married last year? Well if so, you are stupid. No, not because your choice of spouse, but because you probably didn’t take your $25/50 tax credit for completing you pre-marriage counseling course. And hey, I am just an outside observer, but wouldn’t you say your stupidity is an odd harbinger for a successful marriage?
5. Cans, cans, cans! Picking through other peoples trash for recyclables? Well, don’t worry about California taxing you on all that sticky income from your awesome return empire — none of that income is taxable! Oh California, you are certainly the entertainment capital of the world.
4. $150 tax credit in Georgia for completing an approved Driver’s Ed course! Awesome. But just a warning — if you are one of those kids today with your hoodie sweatshirt and pant waists down to your knees, and you took your driver’s ed class at your high school, this deal is not for scumbags like you. Why? Reasons are indeterminable.
3. Now before you say lepers get all the breaks (and you would be heartless for saying something like that), suspend your rage: Hawaii also gives special treatment in the form of a $3,000 deduction to people who raise “exceptional trees” (seriously).
But back to the horrible skin disease that you can’t help snickering about: The tax break for leprosy sufferers only applies to entitlement income from the feds or the state. To illustrate: While leprosy (now “Hansen disease”) sufferers would have to claim all income for say, being extras in Ben-Hur, any payments made to Father Damien’s flock by the US government (lousy Haoles) or the State of Hawaii in the form of welfare benefits or social security are not taxable at the state level.
2. The State of New York is kind enough to allow you to deduct up to $10,000.00 for your medical expenses that you incur while donating a kidney. But here’s the thing: Only once, buddy. And all fairness to the State of New York, maybe this is something the recipient should really be picking up the tab on.
1. Back to California (surprise) for Number One. And I’ll be honest, I am a born and bred Yankee and I haven’t done too much traveling until late. My older brother and his fam moved to San Jose some time in the 90′s and for years he was telling me how great the fast food was in California — “In and Out,” “Jack in the Box,” “Carl’s Jr.,” — these are things we just don’t have in New England. So you got to imagine how excited I was for my first case against the California Franchise Board. And when I got to Sacramento, I could smell victory in the air; I was really expecting a delicious settlement. And…how did it turn out?
Well, let’s just say it was a disappointment. You see, the “California Franchise Board” is just a fancy name for California Reveunuers. What a bunch of lying jerks. So in full disclosure, I may have an ax to grind against the Franchise Board and their lousy false advertising.
But still, this exclusion has to be the most bizarre. And here it is: If you receive payment from the Ottoman Turkish Empire because you were persecuted between the years of 1915 to 1923, well, you’ll be happy to know that those payments are exempt from state income taxation.
UPDATE:
And one more just for fun:
State of Maine: The Super Research Tax Credit. Super!
